If you don't want the truth ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think about Dolores and am just...stunned she's not in the world anymore. It's been just over 5 months. I just keep having these times when I'm blindsided by how deeply I'm effected. It knocks the wind out of me - what she did, how angry I am, how heartbroken, how bereft. I look at my family and wonder if they're okay - if they're ( Read more... )

Today would've been Dolores' 25th birthday but she's not here to celebrate it. Friday I will turn 25 and she never will.

So, I've been isolating, stress eating, oversleeping, having a hard time with ADLs(activies of daily living), can't keep track of time, and am morose. Translation: my depression is back. I met with Marlee during our counseling session and was like "I dont understand why I'm so depressed. I was doing so well ( Read more... )

I can't sleep. I can't fucking sleep from the fucking "Defensive Driving" class I went to tonight. It was a living nightmare. Seriously, I'm not making this up. I learned nothing about actual Driving I didnt know before. However? The teacher took us on a fucking three hour CARNIVALE OF VEHICULAR CARNAGE that I am still fucked up from ( Read more... )

Today? I'm still fucking sad as hell but I also was able to write fic. Not just fic? But its fun and light. It's going to be Darcy/Steve, Bruce/Tony and oh god its bantery and light and just...its play. I missed this, the freedom to enjoy myself. I think it's because last night? I found this.


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Have a picture of her from high school, before one of those formal dances, in our living room, in front of our piano, being beautiful.

( Seventeen forever )

Today is a pain day. I am cripplingly sad. It hurts too much to be angry or actively upset. I'm looking for distractions. I dont know how successful I'll be but I'm trying.

I finally had a decent conversation with my mom. Strangely enough it took place on the third floor of the Perimeter Mall Macy's Department Store in the shoe department. I needed summer shoes (a pair of walking sandals, a pair of flip flops and a pair of glittery boat shoes that are my new materialistic favorite pair of shoes) and she had a massive ( Read more... )

So. *sighs* There are going to be things in this post that are not pretty. And by that I mean I'm going to be talking about 1)suicide, 2)substance misuse and abuse and 3)sexual assault in relationship to my foster sister Dolores. I'm giving you a heads up so you can scroll on past because holy SHIT is what I found out ugly. I mean wow. Just...wow. ( Read more... )